It’s been a while I have left blogging hanging here since the unfortunate incident happened to me. I am trying to get grip of my life again after the painful breakup and picking up the pieces of my wrenching heart and put it together again. How difficult it was, my bf married someone else anyway and time flies so fast and I didn’t realized how my life have changed post breakup. I don’t know when was the exact breakup date. We have not mentioned one. But I guess, after two months of their marriage, I have heard a lot of things that would somehow rather make me realized I should not be with that guy. Glad? Oh, Thank God!
I don’t care how many gfs did he had pre-marriage 2-3 months b4 he got married. The fact he called up his x from school and promised the world to her while he still calling me every night till his very last day being a bachelor was a pretty fucked up things he ever did. I am not sure why he dated her again. Not only that his friends knew about it and have no guts to tell her! I can’t believe why some guys love covered up their best friend’s asses although they knew it wasn’t right to do that. Its so pathetic. So mean!
Well anyway, he finally solemnized on 11 June 2010 a girl’s side reception on the 12 and I knew about them (he and his ‘old’ xgf) on the 12th. HOW? Thanks to facebook and how foolish she can be! Back in March (at that time he was engaged 6 months ago that was in SEPTEMBER 2010!!) when I knew he’s engaged from his very own ‘lovely’ mother who hates me so much, (my mom called his mom and asked straight to the point) I straight away told the xgf that he gonna get married in June, yet still, how much u trying to avoid the temptation of being cheated after few bad hooked up with men, still, we got cheated. What a fool she is! Sorry but you are pretty stupid to believe and buy his pathetic reasons sort of ‘breaking up with me’while he has not had any guts to admit it! Their relationship had gone far… far away that people won’t believed he did it or they had ‘did it’ and that an engaged person should not do! He told the x that his mom hates me so, he wanted to breakup with me but don’t know how. So he had to tell me off by saying “he will marry in June but it actually NOT TRUE”. You see, how far he can go with lying? Unfortunately, he is marrying someone else in June, Honey!
Fine, I was devastated but at the same time relieved. Alhamdulillah.
I did not cried on his wedding day.. I had cried enough!. So enough.. the last day I cried was on the night before he got married. He called and we talked and cried. Deep down, or how many times I said I can accept he’s marrying someone else, still the blues is there.. We cried over our fond memories. Painful ones, good ones, and how I have strived to make the relationship last…it gone down.. Fine the wife doesn’t understand what I felt because she was not there during his painful times. Fine, I don’t care,,, for me, Allah knows everything. And his behavior weeks before and months before he got married, was not my problem anymore. It is hers (the wife now). But she just doesn’t care to know! The burden was on me cuz I knew 2 sides of stories.. But I just leave it far away from my heart because it is not my responsibility anymore. Whether not she wanna care, I just don’t care! He’s yours, and you gotta deal with his lies forever..
Anyway, for the record, the wife has been dating with my bf for 5 years and I dated him for 3 years.. that makes me his secret lover or a perempuan simpanan or the other women or orang ketiga for such a long time.. 3 years felt like 30 years of hell!!
But its ok, cuz during our love hate relationship I already did the right thing to keep our relationship from any obstacle. My mental and physical ability has been tested for a broken heart when he just had no guts in admitting he could not be with me.. he chicken out! So bad, I can say, dia hanya seorang pengecut has no dignity at all. So should I be with this guy? That what most guys did “I tipu sebab nak jaga hati you” but in the end, siapa yang jaga hati siapa? In the end though, hati saya tidak terjaga juga. It a same thing right?
Oh I loved him so much and the feeling just stopped there on Friday 11 june.
It OVER. So OVER.. yes, I am OK I guess, I need time. And am glad I had so much time talking to Allah now rather than a person who doesn’t care. Allah loves me unconditionally and for me at the moment, he is just not the right guy for me with such a behavior. That means, he is a BAD GUY. Yes I love bad guy but bad guy with kind heart. Not bad guy a heartbreaker! SAD.
I REALLY NEED TO MOVE ON..
SINGLE AGAIN.. HE FORCED ME TO SINGLE OUT MYSELF. FINE!
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