Do people have their own label? Set a standard and criteria in choosing partner in life? Yes, I do. Back then I dont label. I just go with the flow. Whoever came into my life I live with it. Love them for good and bad. But when my xbf who marries someone else started to label me, and set a criteria in choosing his love partner, I started to feel is this what most men do?
I felt so disgusted and annoyed when people started to label other people. For exmaple, Che Polan put a label on girls who had experience in love before him is not good enough to be his wedded wife. So he chose to marry someone who had not had any experience in love. Meaning NO XBF. This is so unfair cuz he is in a relationship like thousand of times and fuck around and yet still he wants to marry someone who had zero experience in love? I wonder if one day, she will stray and wants another experience with other guy.. i wonder and just wondering..and its crazy..
Anyway, when we put a certain standard in life to someone, do we really think that we are good enough to other people? what we want to achieve when we label people? satisfaction? can be.. or it is just to potray a perfect family photo?
For me, it is unfair. Most men do label girls. Nak macam tu, macam ni.. kalau boleh nak bakal isteri yang pakai tudung, tak pernah bercinta, baik, dara, dan sebaik-baiknye.. tapi belakang dia la yang shytan, fuck around, minum arak, bersuke ria, broke other girls heart and take girl for a joyride..how bad men is, he will still wants a good wife.
Do they think before they label? Probably NOT. they just label. Cuz if they look through their entire fucking life, they will sit and wonder "am I deserve this much label when my own label is so fucked up?" NO they just don't sit and wonder. Fine!
I have learned so much post breakup from my x and few guys too.. and yes,they do LABEL and I got rejected. One of the reason I am too beautiful (benda ni betul2 ke, ke nak ckp I am FAT) haha.. anyway, what's wrong if I am beautiful bukan suatu bonuskah? hihi.. fine, fine.. being too caring, too beautiful and too nice were not good enough for you, so how good is so good enough?
You had me, take me for a test drive and then use me again and again and again until the day I discovered you are getting married, and all this thing came after; labels, standard, criteria to create a perfect family photo.. I guess, this is too much! how do you know, if you get someone who had experience will not make you happy and satisfied per say? you have been happy and happier since I came into ur life! brings you a new perspective how you outlook ur life. werent that enough? and how do you know the person who doesnt has any experience will make you happy.
You'll breed the person in you, trust me..
Bukan semua benda yang kita suke, terbaik buat kita. dan bukan semua benda yang kita benci buruk buat kita.. cuma perlu muhasabah diri. Rate yourself and you'll realised you should be fair to yourself and others.
When labelling became so intensed, I guess I want to label also. Kalau lelaki boleh label, aku pon boleh.. Now, new outlook on life, in order to be happy you should label (cuz most guys are happy when they got what they label no matter how much they damaged other people's life)
I want a relationship that are Committed, Exclusive and Monogamous (sound familiar? yes,, it is from Kimora Lee Simmons quote to her husband Djamon Hounsu).
Right.. in order for standard, I want someone who is tall, dark/fair and handsome and ......(i don't want to disclose) (cuz I want to keep it exclusively to myself to know and to all of you not bother to find out).. If I met the unnecessary people, out of my league and standard,sorry babe, you go find someone else..
Kali ni, I will be someone yang sgt2 particular dan memilih.. (sebelum ni org selalu ckp I memilih, tp sebenarnya I tak memilih pon.. Bila I tak memilih, relationship itu tidak berjaya pula)..
So I set my own criteria, standard and label too.
You LABEL me, I'll LABEL you! (unforgiven lyric, Metallica)
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
His Post Marriage
His post marriage was something. After 2 weeks, I cant get over him and admitted that I called his office twice a week. Why? I just want to know the truth (although some might say dont be a fool, well why should I care what ppl has to say?) why he did such a thing weeks before he got married? Always denied an answer and told me that he will call. He did after exactly 2 wks he got married he told me he got back with his xgf cuz he want me to get over him? but tak kan smpi rent a room? oh God so unbelievable. I told him why should I felt that? kenapa i kena sakit hati pulak when dah lepas segala responsibility menjaga dia? who suppose to be sad about it? HIS WIFE for god sake!
Whatever, he just wanna ditch me and get laid. fine he got to do that without thinking kenapa dah berdosa nak berdosa besar lagi? fine, i get through with it. i felt so disgusted with him.
Before this he's been preaching jgn la putuskan silaturahim. but he changed his number, he trying to let me go..so who want to breakup the silaturahim? i think he just did it on purpose.. cant accept the fact he gonna leave his bachelor life. i thought. i dont know. sometimes i think he just out of his mind and dont know what he did and probably the devil in him was so strong. psychologically he is unstable i dont know.
Anyway, his post marriage, im still single. trying hard to ge a man. but it does not work that way.. i tried to be like a man who had a broken heart. it is easy for a guy to get a girl immediately after breaking up but not girl. we just cant do it. i met the unnecessary people after him. married men, single guy who just not my type, perfect single guy with looks and everything im looking for but in the end got engaged with a girl he met on facebook the same time he got to know me.. you know, its easy for men.. why it is so hard to a girl like me to get such a men?
I wonder...
After him, I get a new job as a project engineer with a solar/lightning protection system firm/company. Its ok there and pretty busy..one of the task i had to handled site guys and i mean guys, balls... i worked with balls and i am the only girl there or should i say the only engineer girl there! Malay engineer girl with a Chinese company.. i learned a lot and I guess Allah had organized my life such a way so that I am occupied. First time in my life i love to go to work. well, have to for a living!
During the sad dark period i occupied myself with job interviews, get online, networking, read motivational books on love, life and a life saving book such as Don't be sad by Aidh Abdullah Al-Qarni. really feed your soul and plenty of time talking to Allah. I am glad I am able to talk to Allah on anything bothers me. And I started to read the holy Quran and am trying to get a perfect reading and thinking to join an adult quranic class at the National Mosque. Soon.. cuz saya baca quran masih tergagap tereja2.
This book on love said: Anggap putusnya cinta sebagai sambungan cinta yang satu lagi dgn Yang Maha Esa. which actually TRUE. I am fullfuilled and I felt Allah has chosen me to get close to him. Hikmahnya Allah sayang saya. Alhamdulillah.
I still has a good relationship with my xbf through email. although i am so mad at him. whatever he did to me, how painful it was, as a human, menyampaikan yang baik2 adalah sesuatu yang baik utk dibuat. the hell with him yang selalu kata saya berdendam. dendam utk apa until this day, i dont understand. Allah ada share utk dia.. jadi kenapa dia nak takut? all this while what he did was to sort of ask people he hurted to pray for his unfortune. dia tak nak buat baik. dia nak suruh kita doakan keburukan dia dgn perangai yg sedemikian jadi kenapa kena dia nak attack like that? and so i dont care of what he said. biarlah dia nak ckp apa pon.. yang penting kita dah sampaikan yang baik2.. and yes, i admit i still love him but i cant. i have the feelings and it will fade away.
you know, sometimes i felt sungguh tak adil bila ada manusia so judgemental. his mother dont like me cuz i was a KL-lite. i mean, apa salah jadi org KL? i dont go out night, i dont do clubbing, i stayed with my parents. and my parents are so strict.. apa, takut minta hantaran tinggi? well, i guess org utara lagi letak harga tinggi bagi dia tak mampu. bini dia skrg punya hantaran dan mas kahwin yang tinggi (kalau i mas kahwin RM80 je, bini dia skrg RM1k OK) dgn umur perempuan tu yang tak berapa nak muda. mampukah dia? duit pencen mak dia jadi habuan utk semua..
I dont care dah selamat pun cuma harapnya, satu hari nanti, mak dia akn realised. mentah2 menolak i dulu dgn angkuh berkata "toksah dok cari yang lain dah. ang dah kwn lama dgn dia, nanti dgn bdk kl tu ang xblk kampung and bla bla bla bla bla all the bad things" semua ini aturan Tuhan kah? kamu dah beristikharah dgn org2 sekeliling.. on equal basis, some said u shud be with feena, and some u shud be with the now wife.. but has he ever ask Allah? he had 2 choices but he didnt ask Allah at all.. i dont know i think something was wrong. As a pretty pious and devoted mother who knew that her son got 2 choices, he didnt asked her son to ask Allah, dont ask mom.. why? is she afraid if Allah gave him the answer that she just doesnt want?she cant accept, ME? I dont know.. Allah knows best.
I cured my heart myself with the help of my Almighty. and Mr.Polan was now married. I guess he is happy now matter how much damaged he did. sometimes it so unfair but i believed, there is a significant in the future.
Its allrite i cant be with him although as a girl, she already had his future son and daughter name on her secret list with Mr.Polan as their surname. Its OK. Allah mercy me with that person wrongdoings.. I already paid for my future sins..
I guess i have to start living my life best until the perfect guy for me came along.
p/s: did i not metioned he still trying to contact his old gf? he is such a PIG!
Whatever, he just wanna ditch me and get laid. fine he got to do that without thinking kenapa dah berdosa nak berdosa besar lagi? fine, i get through with it. i felt so disgusted with him.
Before this he's been preaching jgn la putuskan silaturahim. but he changed his number, he trying to let me go..so who want to breakup the silaturahim? i think he just did it on purpose.. cant accept the fact he gonna leave his bachelor life. i thought. i dont know. sometimes i think he just out of his mind and dont know what he did and probably the devil in him was so strong. psychologically he is unstable i dont know.
Anyway, his post marriage, im still single. trying hard to ge a man. but it does not work that way.. i tried to be like a man who had a broken heart. it is easy for a guy to get a girl immediately after breaking up but not girl. we just cant do it. i met the unnecessary people after him. married men, single guy who just not my type, perfect single guy with looks and everything im looking for but in the end got engaged with a girl he met on facebook the same time he got to know me.. you know, its easy for men.. why it is so hard to a girl like me to get such a men?
I wonder...
After him, I get a new job as a project engineer with a solar/lightning protection system firm/company. Its ok there and pretty busy..one of the task i had to handled site guys and i mean guys, balls... i worked with balls and i am the only girl there or should i say the only engineer girl there! Malay engineer girl with a Chinese company.. i learned a lot and I guess Allah had organized my life such a way so that I am occupied. First time in my life i love to go to work. well, have to for a living!
During the sad dark period i occupied myself with job interviews, get online, networking, read motivational books on love, life and a life saving book such as Don't be sad by Aidh Abdullah Al-Qarni. really feed your soul and plenty of time talking to Allah. I am glad I am able to talk to Allah on anything bothers me. And I started to read the holy Quran and am trying to get a perfect reading and thinking to join an adult quranic class at the National Mosque. Soon.. cuz saya baca quran masih tergagap tereja2.
This book on love said: Anggap putusnya cinta sebagai sambungan cinta yang satu lagi dgn Yang Maha Esa. which actually TRUE. I am fullfuilled and I felt Allah has chosen me to get close to him. Hikmahnya Allah sayang saya. Alhamdulillah.
I still has a good relationship with my xbf through email. although i am so mad at him. whatever he did to me, how painful it was, as a human, menyampaikan yang baik2 adalah sesuatu yang baik utk dibuat. the hell with him yang selalu kata saya berdendam. dendam utk apa until this day, i dont understand. Allah ada share utk dia.. jadi kenapa dia nak takut? all this while what he did was to sort of ask people he hurted to pray for his unfortune. dia tak nak buat baik. dia nak suruh kita doakan keburukan dia dgn perangai yg sedemikian jadi kenapa kena dia nak attack like that? and so i dont care of what he said. biarlah dia nak ckp apa pon.. yang penting kita dah sampaikan yang baik2.. and yes, i admit i still love him but i cant. i have the feelings and it will fade away.
you know, sometimes i felt sungguh tak adil bila ada manusia so judgemental. his mother dont like me cuz i was a KL-lite. i mean, apa salah jadi org KL? i dont go out night, i dont do clubbing, i stayed with my parents. and my parents are so strict.. apa, takut minta hantaran tinggi? well, i guess org utara lagi letak harga tinggi bagi dia tak mampu. bini dia skrg punya hantaran dan mas kahwin yang tinggi (kalau i mas kahwin RM80 je, bini dia skrg RM1k OK) dgn umur perempuan tu yang tak berapa nak muda. mampukah dia? duit pencen mak dia jadi habuan utk semua..
I dont care dah selamat pun cuma harapnya, satu hari nanti, mak dia akn realised. mentah2 menolak i dulu dgn angkuh berkata "toksah dok cari yang lain dah. ang dah kwn lama dgn dia, nanti dgn bdk kl tu ang xblk kampung and bla bla bla bla bla all the bad things" semua ini aturan Tuhan kah? kamu dah beristikharah dgn org2 sekeliling.. on equal basis, some said u shud be with feena, and some u shud be with the now wife.. but has he ever ask Allah? he had 2 choices but he didnt ask Allah at all.. i dont know i think something was wrong. As a pretty pious and devoted mother who knew that her son got 2 choices, he didnt asked her son to ask Allah, dont ask mom.. why? is she afraid if Allah gave him the answer that she just doesnt want?she cant accept, ME? I dont know.. Allah knows best.
I cured my heart myself with the help of my Almighty. and Mr.Polan was now married. I guess he is happy now matter how much damaged he did. sometimes it so unfair but i believed, there is a significant in the future.
Its allrite i cant be with him although as a girl, she already had his future son and daughter name on her secret list with Mr.Polan as their surname. Its OK. Allah mercy me with that person wrongdoings.. I already paid for my future sins..
I guess i have to start living my life best until the perfect guy for me came along.
p/s: did i not metioned he still trying to contact his old gf? he is such a PIG!
WAS FORCED TO SINGLE OUT MYSELF
It’s been a while I have left blogging hanging here since the unfortunate incident happened to me. I am trying to get grip of my life again after the painful breakup and picking up the pieces of my wrenching heart and put it together again. How difficult it was, my bf married someone else anyway and time flies so fast and I didn’t realized how my life have changed post breakup. I don’t know when was the exact breakup date. We have not mentioned one. But I guess, after two months of their marriage, I have heard a lot of things that would somehow rather make me realized I should not be with that guy. Glad? Oh, Thank God!
I don’t care how many gfs did he had pre-marriage 2-3 months b4 he got married. The fact he called up his x from school and promised the world to her while he still calling me every night till his very last day being a bachelor was a pretty fucked up things he ever did. I am not sure why he dated her again. Not only that his friends knew about it and have no guts to tell her! I can’t believe why some guys love covered up their best friend’s asses although they knew it wasn’t right to do that. Its so pathetic. So mean!
Well anyway, he finally solemnized on 11 June 2010 a girl’s side reception on the 12 and I knew about them (he and his ‘old’ xgf) on the 12th. HOW? Thanks to facebook and how foolish she can be! Back in March (at that time he was engaged 6 months ago that was in SEPTEMBER 2010!!) when I knew he’s engaged from his very own ‘lovely’ mother who hates me so much, (my mom called his mom and asked straight to the point) I straight away told the xgf that he gonna get married in June, yet still, how much u trying to avoid the temptation of being cheated after few bad hooked up with men, still, we got cheated. What a fool she is! Sorry but you are pretty stupid to believe and buy his pathetic reasons sort of ‘breaking up with me’while he has not had any guts to admit it! Their relationship had gone far… far away that people won’t believed he did it or they had ‘did it’ and that an engaged person should not do! He told the x that his mom hates me so, he wanted to breakup with me but don’t know how. So he had to tell me off by saying “he will marry in June but it actually NOT TRUE”. You see, how far he can go with lying? Unfortunately, he is marrying someone else in June, Honey!
Fine, I was devastated but at the same time relieved. Alhamdulillah.
I did not cried on his wedding day.. I had cried enough!. So enough.. the last day I cried was on the night before he got married. He called and we talked and cried. Deep down, or how many times I said I can accept he’s marrying someone else, still the blues is there.. We cried over our fond memories. Painful ones, good ones, and how I have strived to make the relationship last…it gone down.. Fine the wife doesn’t understand what I felt because she was not there during his painful times. Fine, I don’t care,,, for me, Allah knows everything. And his behavior weeks before and months before he got married, was not my problem anymore. It is hers (the wife now). But she just doesn’t care to know! The burden was on me cuz I knew 2 sides of stories.. But I just leave it far away from my heart because it is not my responsibility anymore. Whether not she wanna care, I just don’t care! He’s yours, and you gotta deal with his lies forever..
Anyway, for the record, the wife has been dating with my bf for 5 years and I dated him for 3 years.. that makes me his secret lover or a perempuan simpanan or the other women or orang ketiga for such a long time.. 3 years felt like 30 years of hell!!
But its ok, cuz during our love hate relationship I already did the right thing to keep our relationship from any obstacle. My mental and physical ability has been tested for a broken heart when he just had no guts in admitting he could not be with me.. he chicken out! So bad, I can say, dia hanya seorang pengecut has no dignity at all. So should I be with this guy? That what most guys did “I tipu sebab nak jaga hati you” but in the end, siapa yang jaga hati siapa? In the end though, hati saya tidak terjaga juga. It a same thing right?
Oh I loved him so much and the feeling just stopped there on Friday 11 june.
It OVER. So OVER.. yes, I am OK I guess, I need time. And am glad I had so much time talking to Allah now rather than a person who doesn’t care. Allah loves me unconditionally and for me at the moment, he is just not the right guy for me with such a behavior. That means, he is a BAD GUY. Yes I love bad guy but bad guy with kind heart. Not bad guy a heartbreaker! SAD.
I REALLY NEED TO MOVE ON..
SINGLE AGAIN.. HE FORCED ME TO SINGLE OUT MYSELF. FINE!
I don’t care how many gfs did he had pre-marriage 2-3 months b4 he got married. The fact he called up his x from school and promised the world to her while he still calling me every night till his very last day being a bachelor was a pretty fucked up things he ever did. I am not sure why he dated her again. Not only that his friends knew about it and have no guts to tell her! I can’t believe why some guys love covered up their best friend’s asses although they knew it wasn’t right to do that. Its so pathetic. So mean!
Well anyway, he finally solemnized on 11 June 2010 a girl’s side reception on the 12 and I knew about them (he and his ‘old’ xgf) on the 12th. HOW? Thanks to facebook and how foolish she can be! Back in March (at that time he was engaged 6 months ago that was in SEPTEMBER 2010!!) when I knew he’s engaged from his very own ‘lovely’ mother who hates me so much, (my mom called his mom and asked straight to the point) I straight away told the xgf that he gonna get married in June, yet still, how much u trying to avoid the temptation of being cheated after few bad hooked up with men, still, we got cheated. What a fool she is! Sorry but you are pretty stupid to believe and buy his pathetic reasons sort of ‘breaking up with me’while he has not had any guts to admit it! Their relationship had gone far… far away that people won’t believed he did it or they had ‘did it’ and that an engaged person should not do! He told the x that his mom hates me so, he wanted to breakup with me but don’t know how. So he had to tell me off by saying “he will marry in June but it actually NOT TRUE”. You see, how far he can go with lying? Unfortunately, he is marrying someone else in June, Honey!
Fine, I was devastated but at the same time relieved. Alhamdulillah.
I did not cried on his wedding day.. I had cried enough!. So enough.. the last day I cried was on the night before he got married. He called and we talked and cried. Deep down, or how many times I said I can accept he’s marrying someone else, still the blues is there.. We cried over our fond memories. Painful ones, good ones, and how I have strived to make the relationship last…it gone down.. Fine the wife doesn’t understand what I felt because she was not there during his painful times. Fine, I don’t care,,, for me, Allah knows everything. And his behavior weeks before and months before he got married, was not my problem anymore. It is hers (the wife now). But she just doesn’t care to know! The burden was on me cuz I knew 2 sides of stories.. But I just leave it far away from my heart because it is not my responsibility anymore. Whether not she wanna care, I just don’t care! He’s yours, and you gotta deal with his lies forever..
Anyway, for the record, the wife has been dating with my bf for 5 years and I dated him for 3 years.. that makes me his secret lover or a perempuan simpanan or the other women or orang ketiga for such a long time.. 3 years felt like 30 years of hell!!
But its ok, cuz during our love hate relationship I already did the right thing to keep our relationship from any obstacle. My mental and physical ability has been tested for a broken heart when he just had no guts in admitting he could not be with me.. he chicken out! So bad, I can say, dia hanya seorang pengecut has no dignity at all. So should I be with this guy? That what most guys did “I tipu sebab nak jaga hati you” but in the end, siapa yang jaga hati siapa? In the end though, hati saya tidak terjaga juga. It a same thing right?
Oh I loved him so much and the feeling just stopped there on Friday 11 june.
It OVER. So OVER.. yes, I am OK I guess, I need time. And am glad I had so much time talking to Allah now rather than a person who doesn’t care. Allah loves me unconditionally and for me at the moment, he is just not the right guy for me with such a behavior. That means, he is a BAD GUY. Yes I love bad guy but bad guy with kind heart. Not bad guy a heartbreaker! SAD.
I REALLY NEED TO MOVE ON..
SINGLE AGAIN.. HE FORCED ME TO SINGLE OUT MYSELF. FINE!
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