His Post Marriage

His post marriage was something. After 2 weeks, I cant get over him and admitted that I called his office twice a week. Why? I just want to know the truth (although some might say dont be a fool, well why should I care what ppl has to say?) why he did such a thing weeks before he got married? Always denied an answer and told me that he will call. He did after exactly 2 wks he got married he told me he got back with his xgf cuz he want me to get over him? but tak kan smpi rent a room? oh God so unbelievable. I told him why should I felt that? kenapa i kena sakit hati pulak when dah lepas segala responsibility menjaga dia? who suppose to be sad about it? HIS WIFE for god sake!

Whatever, he just wanna ditch me and get laid. fine he got to do that without thinking kenapa dah berdosa nak berdosa besar lagi? fine, i get through with it. i felt so disgusted with him.

Before this he's been preaching jgn la putuskan silaturahim. but he changed his number, he trying to let me go..so who want to breakup the silaturahim? i think he just did it on purpose.. cant accept the fact he gonna leave his bachelor life. i thought. i dont know. sometimes i think he just out of his mind and dont know what he did and probably the devil in him was so strong. psychologically he is unstable i dont know.

Anyway, his post marriage, im still single. trying hard to ge a man. but it does not work that way.. i tried to be like a man who had a broken heart. it is easy for a guy to get a girl immediately after breaking up but not girl. we just cant do it. i met the unnecessary people after him. married men, single guy who just not my type, perfect single guy with looks and everything im looking for but in the end got engaged with a girl he met on facebook the same time he got to know me.. you know, its easy for men.. why it is so hard to a girl like me to get such a men?

I wonder...

After him, I get a new job as a project engineer with a solar/lightning protection system firm/company. Its ok there and pretty busy..one of the task i had to handled site guys and i mean guys, balls... i worked with balls and i am the only girl there or should i say the only engineer girl there! Malay engineer girl with a Chinese company.. i learned a lot and I guess Allah had organized my life such a way so that I am occupied. First time in my life i love to go to work. well, have to for a living!

During the sad dark period i occupied myself with job interviews, get online, networking, read motivational books on love, life and a life saving book such as Don't be sad by Aidh Abdullah Al-Qarni. really feed your soul and plenty of time talking to Allah. I am glad I am able to talk to Allah on anything bothers me. And I started to read the holy Quran and am trying to get a perfect reading and thinking to join an adult quranic class at the National Mosque. Soon.. cuz saya baca quran masih tergagap tereja2.

This book on love said: Anggap putusnya cinta sebagai sambungan cinta yang satu lagi dgn Yang Maha Esa. which actually TRUE. I am fullfuilled and I felt Allah has chosen me to get close to him. Hikmahnya Allah sayang saya. Alhamdulillah.

I still has a good relationship with my xbf through email. although i am so mad at him. whatever he did to me, how painful it was, as a human, menyampaikan yang baik2 adalah sesuatu yang baik utk dibuat. the hell with him yang selalu kata saya berdendam. dendam utk apa until this day, i dont understand. Allah ada share utk dia.. jadi kenapa dia nak takut? all this while what he did was to sort of ask people he hurted to pray for his unfortune. dia tak nak buat baik. dia nak suruh kita doakan keburukan dia dgn perangai yg sedemikian jadi kenapa kena dia nak attack like that? and so i dont care of what he said. biarlah dia nak ckp apa pon.. yang penting kita dah sampaikan yang baik2.. and yes, i admit i still love him but i cant. i have the feelings and it will fade away.

you know, sometimes i felt sungguh tak adil bila ada manusia so judgemental. his mother dont like me cuz i was a KL-lite. i mean, apa salah jadi org KL? i dont go out night, i dont do clubbing, i stayed with my parents. and my parents are so strict.. apa, takut minta hantaran tinggi? well, i guess org utara lagi letak harga tinggi bagi dia tak mampu. bini dia skrg punya hantaran dan mas kahwin yang tinggi (kalau i mas kahwin RM80 je, bini dia skrg RM1k OK) dgn umur perempuan tu yang tak berapa nak muda. mampukah dia? duit pencen mak dia jadi habuan utk semua..

I dont care dah selamat pun cuma harapnya, satu hari nanti, mak dia akn realised. mentah2 menolak i dulu dgn angkuh berkata "toksah dok cari yang lain dah. ang dah kwn lama dgn dia, nanti dgn bdk kl tu ang xblk kampung and bla bla bla bla bla all the bad things" semua ini aturan Tuhan kah? kamu dah beristikharah dgn org2 sekeliling.. on equal basis, some said u shud be with feena, and some u shud be with the now wife.. but has he ever ask Allah? he had 2 choices but he didnt ask Allah at all.. i dont know i think something was wrong. As a pretty pious and devoted mother who knew that her son got 2 choices, he didnt asked her son to ask Allah, dont ask mom.. why? is she afraid if Allah gave him the answer that she just doesnt want?she cant accept, ME? I dont know.. Allah knows best.

I cured my heart myself with the help of my Almighty. and Mr.Polan was now married. I guess he is happy now matter how much damaged he did. sometimes it so unfair but i believed, there is a significant in the future.

Its allrite i cant be with him although as a girl, she already had his future son and daughter name on her secret list with Mr.Polan as their surname. Its OK. Allah mercy me with that person wrongdoings.. I already paid for my future sins..

I guess i have to start living my life best until the perfect guy for me came along.

p/s: did i not metioned he still trying to contact his old gf? he is such a PIG!